The other day my son was playing with his sister and it turned into a fight between them. They were both at fault and got in the middle to explain both sides. I told her what she was doing wrong and she became quiet. I then proceeded to explain where he was at fault and he just looked at me with an “I don’t care” attitude and said “whatever!”
If you have children or hang around children you will often hear this word being uttered these days. It has also become more common amongst younger children around 6-7 years old as well.
According to Wikipedia, “Whatever” is considered a slang word that stems two meanings; The first is “I don’t care what you say” and the second is “What will be will be”. The former carries as negative connotation where it is used to dismiss another where the latter carries a positive message that suggests trust in the outcome.
Today however, this term is often used to dismiss a previous statement or person showing a lack of respect or care for a situation or a person who is receiving the response. Our job as parents is to educate children to shift their thinking so that if they do use “whatever” it is used to mean “whatever will be will be.”
You see when a child uses “whatever” in a dismissive manner, it is often because they feel powerless and know that you are right but do not want to acknowledge their responsibility even though deep down they know they are accountable. Yes, it is rude and disrespectful but on a deeper level it is simply a defense mechanism to avoid responsibility.
How we deal with our children’s reactions to us is what will help them shift their behaviors and transform them.
Here are 6 strategies to use as a parent so that you can turn them around from dismissive and disrespectful to engaging and kind.
Don’t take it Personally!
Your goal as a parent is to teach your child how to manage his emotions better and how to deal with situations in the right way as they come.If you do not have the right tools or strategies in place to help them, it can leave you feeling out of control so when they push your buttons, your initial reaction will be to take it personally and you will not reach your goal by overreacting or even underreacting to the moment at hand.
Set Limits.
Children need limits.In fact, they want them.Boundaries are a way for children to know what is and is not acceptable.If they don’t have them, they will use their power to push you to create them even though it seems to you that they are being difficult.
Be Respectful.
If you want to raise children who speak to you with respect and kindness, it is your job to model this behavior.Children, especially younger children, follow your actions over your words.If you act in a way that is kind and respectful to them, they will follow suit.However, if you overreact to their behaviors and demands they will assume that it is ok to treat you the same.
Talk to Them Once the Dust Has Settled.
This is an important step because you don’t want to just brush the situation under the carpet.For children to change, they must understand what and how they must change into as well as why.This is where it is important to communicate to your children about what you expect of them not only in the home but outside as well.
Perspective.
Just as our feelings and emotions are important, we must recognize that our children’s feelings and emotions are just as important and we must acknowledge them and validate them so they understand that they matter.If you can see your child’s perspective and meet their emotional needs, it is much easier to get them to see your perspective and comply with your expectations or requests.
Communicate.
I find this is the one thing that can make or break any relationship whether it is with your children or with your partner.Communication is the glue to any healthy relationship.If you have good open communication with your children on a regular basis where you explain your expectations, maintain healthy boundaries, show respect for their thoughts, feelings and emotions, and provide them the love and kindness they need, you can avoid many problems.
Children, as adults need to feel accepted, loved, safe, secure and heard.The rest is secondary.
Fatima Merali is a brain mastery expert, author, and children’s empowerment coach with a full range of tools and techniques to help children live their AMAZING. Contact her for a free consultation @fatima@elitisintl.com.